The Color of his Eyes
by Broken-Latin
Summary: Levi hasn't seen him in ages, and now he goes to find the boy he loved so long ago.


He had forgotten the color of that boy's eyes. The man's stomach churned with that thought. Had it truly been so long that he could forget something that used to be his world? No matter how hard he thought, he couldn't recall that hue. Were they green? Brown? God. . . The answer had to be there, somewhere in the back of his mind. There was no way he could have let something that important slip away.

But Levi had indeed forgotten. He no longer knew the exact shade of Eren's hair, or the color of his eyes. It had been years since he could think of the way his voice flowed from his lips. Levi didn't know. He hadn't seen the boy since they'd won for humanity, nearly ten years ago. Everyone parted ways, either by finding a new life outside the walls or dying.

Eren had lived. He'd been a vital piece of humanity's victory. For a while, everyone had paid him loads of attention. The public ate him up and applauded him, almost enough to frighten the poor boy. He had certainly taken Levi's spot as the public's most known. Which was fine by him. The attention wasn't something he craved anyway.

Levi paced the room, and then the hall, and soon enough was in his office, a room covered in bookshelves and maps. Aimlessly, he moved fingers over the spines of old books as he walked back and forth.

Cool leather binding made him pause. Levi looked to the shelf, pulling the book off and sitting at his desk. Was this. . ? He opened the cover to find that the first page was one large photo—a group shot of his squad. His eyes went instantly to a familiar face, one that he needed to see.

Eren's eyes were teal. His hair was a medium shade of brown, not too dark and not too light. His face was slim, still youthful, but with signs of early aging that the Survey Corps often caused.

Levi's heart clenched in his chest. Eren. . . His Eren. He wondered a moment if he was still beautiful and decided that he must be—no matter what happened to that boy, to that man, he would still be beautiful, simply because of who he was.

Levi had never told him how he felt. Eren had never said anything about feeling something similar to what Levi did. So he had accepted that Eren would never feel that way. After all, they were both men. Eren would think that he was disgusting for this. Most people would.

Levi thumbed through the pages, smiling softly at the faces of his old friends, but the smile fell when he realized that most of the people in this book were dead. He didn't allow himself to show his sadness. He never showed any sign of weakness, even now, alone in his office.

He turned to a new page, a photo of Eren. He smiled in a way that he rarely did—with pride and ease. He was beautiful when he smiled like that.

Levi often thought back to their first meetings. He'd hurt Eren then, and he almost regretted it. But at that point, the boy had needed to learn his place. Levi hadn't loved him then.

He was very nervous when it came to using that word. The captain didn't like to get attached to things, especially not things that could die or be lost at a moment's notice. During their time together at the Corps, he did his best to treat Eren as he would any other soldier. He got the special treatment that a friend would, but nothing more. Levi wouldn't admit even to himself that he loved that boy.

Now, though, they had pushed past the titans far enough that it was worth setting up colonies. They'd beaten them, at least a little. They had, at every colony, a squad of Scouts to protect the area. It was still a crude setup, and not many people lived in the colonies, but it was a start.

Levi had quit the corps five years ago. Loud noises continued to make him jump and he didn't like sudden movement. The therapists told him that he had PTSD. He told them to fuck off and that he was alright.

He continued to go through the book, finding, at the end, the names of everyone from the squad, along with an address for each person. Levi looked to Eren's. A colony not too far from here. . . The book was old, and probably outdated. After all, he'd been given it ten years ago, at the ceremony held for his squad when the titans were vanquished.

But this was his only shot. He had to try, didn't he? He proceeded to hurry to the bedroom, dressing in black and fixing his hair. If Eren was going to see him, he couldn't look like a mess. When he looked good enough, he wrote down the address. An hour's ride on horseback.

Everything was going so fast. He was going to see him. He was going to see Eren. Should he send a letter instead? Maybe he should take this slowly. But he couldn't. The way that Levi's heart raced made it clear that waiting was not an option.

There was a small knock on the bedroom door and a maid entered. "Master Levi? Would you like your morning tea now? "

He looked to her, a bit startled. "No. I'm going out today."

"Oh? When will you be back?"

"I may not come back." He buttoned his jacket, straightening his cravat.

"Sir? You're not going to fight, are you?" Her voice was filled with unnecessary worry.

"No. Courting."

She giggled, shaking her head. Levi? Courting a young lady? "I didn't see you as the kind to court the ladies," she teased.

"I'm not." He brushed off his slacks and went outside, mounting his horse, the replacement for the one he had lost in the service.

The ride took far too long. He wanted to be there _now_ and to be able to get the words out of his mouth for Eren. At least the ride gave him the time he needed to be able to think. He would apologize for taking so long to see him. He would apologize for what he was about to say and do. He would tell Eren how he felt. He would kiss him. Maybe that was too much. Levi didn't know the first thing about how to court women, let alone men, who would certainly be much harder. But Eren was a friend. They had been close. He wouldn't be upset . . . or would he? Levi didn't like that thought. He could handle living as just friends, but to have Eren hate him would be too much.

The ride ended and the captain hitched his horse to a post before making his way down the street to the address that he had repeated in his head like a mantra for the last hour. It was a cozy little house, and seemed warm and happy.

Gathering up courage—fighting titans was less horrifying than this—he knocked at the door.

After a moment, he knocked again. What if this was the wrong address? What if this wasn't the right place? Worse, what if Eren had found someone else? No. He wouldn't think of those things.

The door opened and his breathe hitched. Teal eyes, much brighter than in the picture. Signs of aging now suited him. He was still incredible, just older. He was still taller than Levi, by a good six inches.

"Levi?"

His breathe hitched. The plan. . . The plan was forgotten as he flung his arms around Eren, clinging to him. "I've missed you. . ." He inhaled and looked up to him. "I. . . I'm sorry. It's been too long, Eren."

There was a voice from inside. "Eren? Who is that?" Levi knew that voice.

"It's Captain Levi."

"Oh." A woman with a scrap of a silk scarf around her neck stepped out. "I'll leave you two alone then."

"M-Mikasa, you can stay," Eren said.

"No. You have enough to tell him."

She disappeared down the street.

"What was that all about?" Levi asked, arching a brow.

"It's nothing." He shook his head. "Mikasa's just. . . It doesn't matter.

"Eren."

"What?"

Levi let go of him and took a step back, looking him dead in the eye with the same blank expression he used to wear. "What was that? What do you have to tell me? The reason I didn't get a wedding invitation?"

"Wedding?" Eren looked confused.

"Obviously you two are married."

Eren shook his head, bangs flouncing with it. "Mikasa is just a roommate. I don't like being alone. We aren't together." He paused. "Why would it matter to you if we were together, anyway?"

"I. . ." This was not how the plan had worked out in his mind. "It's unimportant." He looked down.

"You almost sound like you'd be upset if we were."

Levi didn't say anything.

"Wait. Why would you ca—oh."

Levi looked away from him. "Please don't be disgusted with me." The fear in his voice was obvious. He knew some people would attack those who thought like that. Eren probably wouldn't. But even if he did, despite the fact that Levi could easily beat him, he would let him. He couldn't hurt Eren.

"That's what Mikasa meant, Levi."

"What?" He looked up. "She knew about me?"

Eren shook his head and placed a gentle hand on the other man's shoulder. "She knew about _me_. She wanted me to tell you about it. . . And about who I want to be with."

"I see." It must have been someone he knew then, if it was important he know Eren wanted them.

"You won't be mad, right? If I wanted to be with you?"

Levi looked him in the eye. "What did you say?"

"I want to be with you, Levi. And . . . I know you like me, too, right? That's why you'd be mad if I married Mikasa. Unless I read that wrong."

"You're right, Eren." He felt something like relief, but also an urge. "I loved you before, and I still do. I love you. . ." The words fell out sloppily. They were urgent, like a plea, begging to be answered. He hated sounding like that, sounding weak and vulnerable and stupid.

"I understand," Eren said. "I. . . I can't say I love you, Levi. I don't. I'm not there yet. But I'll love you soon enough. Just. . . Stay. Let me fall for you."

Levi nodded. Eren didn't love him . . . That should have hurt more than it did. Knowing that Eren had even a spark of interest elated him. He gave a soft smile. "I'll stay. I'll be here as long as it takes."

Eren smiled. It reached his eyes—teal. Teal had never been so beautiful a color. Levi decided in that moment that he wanted to see the man smile like that always. He wanted to see him happy. He wanted to _make_ him happy. He pulled Eren into his arms. "I'll be the very best I can be for you, Eren. I promise."


End file.
